You have TV with many channels. But there are six remotes you need to use to get anything, and one of them - a random different one each time - is always hidden somewhere unexpected.
There are only three hymns allowed in Heck churches. One of them is "All is Well With My Soul".
Hey' I like that one! But I would nominate St. Patrick's Breastplate, which I can't stand but I know that many love.
Allow me to join you. I believe Paddy’s Bra is popular on the same basis as Stairway to Heaven, ie, because it is played/used/sung far too often and people just haven’t got around to thinking about it.
We are thoroughly spoiled for Horrible Hymns.
in heck, all the carol services will consist of alternating We Three Kings and The First Nowell. Whether that is, in any case, eternal is a matter of perspective.
in heck, all the carol services will consist of alternating We Three Kings and The First Nowell. Whether that is, in any case, eternal is a matter of perspective.
Is that because Away In A Manger and Little Donkey are too awful for Heck?
in heck, all the carol services will consist of alternating We Three Kings and The First Nowell. Whether that is, in any case, eternal is a matter of perspective.
Is that because Away In A Manger and Little Donkey are too awful for Heck?
They are awful, but not so tedious and repetitive.
I always thought the only carols allowed in Heck were those composed by John Rutter.
In lieu of carols, some regions of Heck require that, erm, residents listen endlessly to Burl Ives singing "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" followed by Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas."
I always thought the only carols allowed in Heck were those composed by John Rutter.
In lieu of carols, some regions of Heck require that, erm, residents listen endlessly to Burl Ives singing "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" followed by Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas."
Many excellent rock and pop groups have recorded Christmas songs but in Heck, only these are the songs by them that get played. A lot like BBC Radio 2.
in heck, all the carol services will consist of alternating We Three Kings and The First Nowell. Whether that is, in any case, eternal is a matter of perspective.
Is that because Away In A Manger and Little Donkey are too awful for Heck?
Pretty much every other carol is on the list for Hell.
You could get a proper decent coffee. But the Latte art would just a picture of your own miserable face...
Obviously, you couldn't get a tea, as it is not Britain.
All of the cakes you might get have something you really don't like in them (or are allergic to).
The barista always calls our your name wrong. And in a way that either a) is the most irritating version of your name, b) is the nickname you have tried to forget or c) is said in a seedy way to make your name sound rude or dirty.
Think I slipped into the Heck version of Sainsbury's today. Every size of men's chino shorts except mine. Unfortunately I'm Standard Slightly Overweight British Male.
Think I slipped into the Heck version of Sainsbury's today. Every size of men's chino shorts except mine. Unfortunately I'm Standard Slightly Overweight British Male.
There was a time a few years ago when I could get socks in mainstream stores, but I had to resort to online or mail order for everything else.
Having lost about four stone I’m still a tad overweight but I can buy trousers in Next and M & S. Haven’t tried Sainsbury’s for years.
Think I slipped into the Heck version of Sainsbury's today. Every size of men's chino shorts except mine. Unfortunately I'm Standard Slightly Overweight British Male.
There was a time a few years ago when I could get socks in mainstream stores, but I had to resort to online or mail order for everything else.
Having lost about four stone I’m still a tad overweight but I can buy trousers in Next and M & S. Haven’t tried Sainsbury’s for years.
They had bigger. They had smaller. But my actual size they had none. I don't think they stock enough of the most popular sizes.
It depends. As a tenor song such as that by Jussi Bjorling was excellent. Modern covers aren’t so good.
Most are awful. It needs to be sung by someone with a classically-trained voice (and preferably in French), or not at all. (Of course, if it’s sung in French, you get the whole “ending the Father’s wrath” bit.)
And even then, I’m fine only hearing it once every 10 years or so.
And the containers would be so hard to open that you'd have to use scissors.
Which, in Heck, are usually blunt.
Or a knife, which is Heck are always frighteningly sharp, so you are permanantly scared of using one.
On the contrary, sharp knives are far safer. You don’t have to force them, which you have to do with blunt or downright bad knives, with disastrous consequences.
Knives in Heck are awful. Think about using a butter knife to cut an onion. You need that sharp knife.
And the containers would be so hard to open that you'd have to use scissors.
Which, in Heck, are usually blunt.
Or a knife, which is Heck are always frighteningly sharp, so you are permanantly scared of using one.
On the contrary, sharp knives are far safer. You don’t have to force them, which you have to do with blunt or downright bad knives, with disastrous consequences.
That's the received wisdom. It may not apply if you are dyspraxic. I can cut myself perfectly well just being in the same room as a sharp enough knife.
My ideal is sharp enough to cut rather than squash, but not sharp enough to take the ends off my fingers when (not if) I'm holding the onion wrong.
And the containers would be so hard to open that you'd have to use scissors.
Which, in Heck, are usually blunt.
Or a knife, which is Heck are always frighteningly sharp, so you are permanantly scared of using one.
On the contrary, sharp knives are far safer. You don’t have to force them, which you have to do with blunt or downright bad knives, with disastrous consequences.
That's the received wisdom. It may not apply if you are dyspraxic. I can cut myself perfectly well just being in the same room as a sharp enough knife.
My ideal is sharp enough to cut rather than squash, but not sharp enough to take the ends off my fingers when (not if) I'm holding the onion wrong.
If you’re dyspraxic then you have my sympathy. I’m just clumsy, so I can mitigate by taking care, but I understand this doesn’t help much with dyspraxia.
And the containers would be so hard to open that you'd have to use scissors.
Which, in Heck, are usually blunt.
Or a knife, which is Heck are always frighteningly sharp, so you are permanantly scared of using one.
On the contrary, sharp knives are far safer. You don’t have to force them, which you have to do with blunt or downright bad knives, with disastrous consequences.
Knives in Heck are awful. Think about using a butter knife to cut an onion. You need that sharp knife.
Oh I know this. That is why they are in Heck - nice and safe. So you could slice the end off your finger without really noticing, until the onion turns into a red onion.
Ice cream can be eaten only with an ice cream fork -- and just try to find one! (Who was the Shipmate, now gone ashore permanently I think, who advocated their use -- was it Sine Nomine?)
They have cars in Heck. But the rule is that you drive in the CENTER lane. This means you're constantly dodging cars coming at you from the opposite direction.
Are you sure of that? I thought they might adopt the system advocated by the Rhinoceros Party in Canada of having a staged transition from driving on the right to driving on the left: it would start with the trucks making the change on a certain date with cars following a few weeks later. In Heck, of course, this would be reversed every month.
Ice cream can be eaten only with an ice cream fork -- and just try to find one! (Who was the Shipmate, now gone ashore permanently I think, who advocated their use -- was it Sine Nomine?)
We have ice cream forks. I can’t say we use them very often.
But an ice cream fork is just a kind of spork. I’m sure Heck has lots of plastic sporks. The thing is, they’re all unwrapped and tossed in a junk drawer with all kinds of other things.
Comments
You mean the chain doesn't break and the handle doesn't come off?
Actually, that's not Heck, it's Canada.*
* with apologies to all my lovely Canadian chums - I love your country, but I could never fall in love with your telly.
Amen, brother, amen. I was going to nominate the Shiny Jesus song but thought it only fair to give others a chance.
Hey' I like that one! But I would nominate St. Patrick's Breastplate, which I can't stand but I know that many love.
Allow me to join you. I believe Paddy’s Bra is popular on the same basis as Stairway to Heaven, ie, because it is played/used/sung far too often and people just haven’t got around to thinking about it.
We are thoroughly spoiled for Horrible Hymns.
I will concede it goes on a bit though ...
I think I must have had a package holiday in Heck some years ago...
The full version is the only one. Abridged versions make zero lyrical sense.
I am not disagreeing here, it is just an experience of someone starting it in a karaoke, not realising quite how many verses there were.
In a not-quite so heavenly Heaven, the equivalent would be We Three Kings. It feels like one can be born, married and buried while that bumbles on.
Is that because Away In A Manger and Little Donkey are too awful for Heck?
They are awful, but not so tedious and repetitive.
In lieu of carols, some regions of Heck require that, erm, residents listen endlessly to Burl Ives singing "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" followed by Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas."
Many excellent rock and pop groups have recorded Christmas songs but in Heck, only these are the songs by them that get played. A lot like BBC Radio 2.
Pretty much every other carol is on the list for Hell.
🤣🤣🤣
Obviously, you couldn't get a tea, as it is not Britain.
All of the cakes you might get have something you really don't like in them (or are allergic to).
The barista always calls our your name wrong. And in a way that either a) is the most irritating version of your name, b) is the nickname you have tried to forget or c) is said in a seedy way to make your name sound rude or dirty.
No way. That is an absolute banger!
It depends. As a tenor song such as that by Jussi Bjorling was excellent. Modern covers aren’t so good.
There was a time a few years ago when I could get socks in mainstream stores, but I had to resort to online or mail order for everything else.
Having lost about four stone I’m still a tad overweight but I can buy trousers in Next and M & S. Haven’t tried Sainsbury’s for years.
They had bigger. They had smaller. But my actual size they had none. I don't think they stock enough of the most popular sizes.
And even then, I’m fine only hearing it once every 10 years or so.
And its 'best before' would be last Thursday.
Which, in Heck, are usually blunt.
It's ghastly when sung veeeery slowly!
Or a knife, which is Heck are always frighteningly sharp, so you are permanantly scared of using one.
On the contrary, sharp knives are far safer. You don’t have to force them, which you have to do with blunt or downright bad knives, with disastrous consequences.
Knives in Heck are awful. Think about using a butter knife to cut an onion. You need that sharp knife.
That's the received wisdom. It may not apply if you are dyspraxic. I can cut myself perfectly well just being in the same room as a sharp enough knife.
My ideal is sharp enough to cut rather than squash, but not sharp enough to take the ends off my fingers when (not if) I'm holding the onion wrong.
If you’re dyspraxic then you have my sympathy. I’m just clumsy, so I can mitigate by taking care, but I understand this doesn’t help much with dyspraxia.
Oh I know this. That is why they are in Heck - nice and safe. So you could slice the end off your finger without really noticing, until the onion turns into a red onion.
Alas! in Heck the fork prongs are prone to bending at the slightest hint of pressure...
They have cars in Heck. But the rule is that you drive in the CENTER lane. This means you're constantly dodging cars coming at you from the opposite direction.
But an ice cream fork is just a kind of spork. I’m sure Heck has lots of plastic sporks. The thing is, they’re all unwrapped and tossed in a junk drawer with all kinds of other things.