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Bad jokes

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  • EirenistEirenist Shipmate
    I claim my prize!
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn’t control his pupils.
  • Graven ImageGraven Image Shipmate
    What is the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist? The literalist takes things literally, and the kleptomaniac literally takes things.
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Graven Image wrote: »
    What is the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist? The literalist takes things literally, and the kleptomaniac literally takes things.

    Groan
  • EirenistEirenist Shipmate
    If Trump has spurs on his heels, why isn't he in the US Cavalry? ( Not a bad joke, but where can it go?)
  • PriscillaPriscilla Shipmate
    I told Darllenwr Graven Image’s joke and he said it reminded him of the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl - the one shoots but. can’t hit, the other hoots but can’t s**it
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Turn away now if of delicate disposition.
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    You have been warned
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    Met a mate of mine down the pub last night.

    "Any road" I said, "so you did it then?"
    "Well, she was lying there stark naked in front of me. What else was I going to do?"
    "The autopsy, man, the autopsy!"
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    I built a bar on my roof.

    Now, all the drinks are on the house.
  • LuciaLucia Shipmate
    Joke from Lucialet no2.
    There are two wind turbines on a hill. One asks the other "What do you think of renewable energy?" The other replies: "I'm a big fan!"
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    Lucia wrote: »
    Joke from Lucialet no2.
    There are two wind turbines on a hill. One asks the other "What do you think of renewable energy?" The other replies: "I'm a big fan!"

    EXCELLENT
  • ChastMastrChastMastr Shipmate
    Q: When Lewis took an afternoon nap, what was it called?

    A: A C-S-ta.
  • Merry VoleMerry Vole Shipmate
    ChastMastr wrote: »
    Q: When Lewis took an afternoon nap, what was it called?

    A: A C-S-ta.

    So bad 😅
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    I recently learnt that leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with an abundant water supply produce the softest leather and this is rated A. The leather from cows in the hottest, driest conditions is typically D Hide Rated
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    edited June 5
    Spike wrote: »
    I recently learnt that leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with an abundant water supply produce the softest leather and this is rated A. The leather from cows in the hottest, driest conditions is typically D Hide Rated

    COAT! NOW!

    That's so, so dreadful I've pinched it.
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    The crow and the pigeon were learning to play chess, but the crow kept losing games to the pigeon because he was always making
    rooky errors
  • LatchKeyKidLatchKeyKid Shipmate
    A consignment of Viagra was stolen from the depot.
    Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    This joke appears in the latest 'Church Times':
    Archeologists in Egypt have just discovered a mummy which appears to have been embalmed in a layer of nuts and chocolate. The tomb was that of Pharoah Rocher.

    Boom boom!
  • Schroedingers CatSchroedingers Cat Shipmate
    LatchKeyKid wrote: »
    A consignment of Viagra was stolen from the depot.
    Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

    If they catch them, I am sure they will receive a stiff sentence.
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    Schroedingers Cat wrote: »
    LatchKeyKid wrote: »
    A consignment of Viagra was stolen from the depot.
    Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

    If they catch them, I am sure they will receive a stiff sentence.

    No doubt the defence will claim they are upstanding citizens.
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    edited June 14
    Whereas the depot workers think they’re a bunch of knobends.
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    A husband was telling jokes to his wife while she was in labor. She did not laugh. She told him it was the delivery.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Apparently Barbie can't get pregnant because Ken always comes in another box.
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