I found great comfort in the assurance that wherever my loved ones are right now, "none of that matters now". They are in a place of purest understanding and most infinite love, they are not looking at me through their mortal eyes, but through the eyes God gave them in order to be able to see everything in its proper and eternal context.
I am very happy to report that I have been invited to Thanksgiving at a local gay venue I go to for bingo, so I will be celebrating with other (living) people, and I will make my own stuff on Friday. Yay!
I have been invited to Christmas Eve dinner at a friend and his mother’s and Christmas Day dinner at a different friend and his mother’s. I will make my own Christmas food the day after that. I’m very glad to be spending both days with other people. ❤️
I have been invited to Christmas Eve dinner at a friend and his mother’s and Christmas Day dinner at a different friend and his mother’s. I will make my own Christmas food the day after that. I’m very glad to be spending both days with other people. ❤️
Very pleased to hear this news and hope you have a good time!
I am facing my first Christmas without my beloved wife, and I have no doubt it will be strange. I have been asked to spend a few days with cousins. They are lovely, warm people with many dogs. I think it will make it easier in some ways, harder in others. In some respects, odd though it sounds, I'd prefer to be alone. I will be 'acting', as I have learned to do with others. It's all a front. Inside, I feel dead.
I am facing my first Christmas without my beloved wife, and I have no doubt it will be strange. I have been asked to spend a few days with cousins. They are lovely, warm people with many dogs. I think it will make it easier in some ways, harder in others. In some respects, odd though it sounds, I'd prefer to be alone. I will be 'acting', as I have learned to do with others. It's all a front. Inside, I feel dead.
That's so hard. But very understandable. I do hope you can find some equilibrium in it all.
@Sighthound, I lost my husband three years ago, and I find that I still really want a quiet Christmas at home I have family before and after the 25th. It is no longer a sad time for me at all, but rather a comfortable one where I do not need to put forth much energy. I pray for your peace this season.
I am facing my first Christmas without my beloved wife, and I have no doubt it will be strange. I have been asked to spend a few days with cousins. They are lovely, warm people with many dogs. I think it will make it easier in some ways, harder in others. In some respects, odd though it sounds, I'd prefer to be alone. I will be 'acting', as I have learned to do with others. It's all a front. Inside, I feel dead.
Sympathy, @Sighthound, I've just come through the second Christmas since my partner died. I still would rather be alone but what you call 'acting' and I think of as 'a coping persona' is almost second nature by now, I just endure within and carry on as-if. Over the months and last year, that inner deadness is just part of who I am now, like the grief that sideswipes me when I least expect it. The kindness of friends has been a great comfort and I hope you find that too.
Christmas dinner with one friend and his mother on Christmas Eve and then a different friend and his mother on Christmas Day were very good things. Tomorrow I make my own food, but I’m very glad to have spent time with other people.
My holiday turned out to be very quiet and relaxing. The remote countryside, animals and birds were balm to the soul. I am so glad I went, despite my reservations.
I had quite an outburst during the Rite of Coffee last Sunday. I said that the church had been a big element in keeping me alive. The other main factor has been the kind support of my cousins and friends.
All this is true, and, materially speaking, I am very fortunate. I am grateful to God for this, and it seems churlish to moan and whine. However, I often feel I am cosplaying life and going through the motions. Whether I can get out of this rut, I don't know. We shall see.
@Sighthound you have my sympathy for your recent loss. If I may, would suggest getting the book Good Grief by Granger Westberg. You can get it through Amazon. About $6.50US. It will give you a bit of a road map for what you might go through.
@Sighthound, please be patient with yourself as you wait for better times. Support from others does not mean one does not still struggle with grief. Life can be hard. In the coming days, I pray for you that in those times when the day feels heavy and your strength feels small, you may be granted peace and hope.
Ah well, it was good while it lasted but my Special Friend has told me she no longer wishes to continue the relationship.
I knew she was getting cold feet so it wasn't entirely unexpected. Things had become quite serious but then ...
It still came as something of a blow though and I feel pretty raw.
Yes, it was hard work dealing with the distance - a 3 hour drive - and also issues around her medical condition and differences in church affiliation/tradition - although I thought we were working through those alright.
So alone again.
I attended our midweek Liturgy this morning. That helped.
I've no got to move on. I hope we can remain friends.
Sorry to hear that GG. I sense the rawness as you emerge from this relationship. Praying.
Its two years today since I lost my partner A. And I too now have a 'special friend' in my life, but much as I would sometimes wish it to be otherwise, I think she will continue to be 'just' a friend, (although she is aware that I mistook her friendship for something more initially), ...most of the time I realise that I don't think I really want the 'complication' of another romantic relationship right now, and just really enjoy having someone who is in many senses like a romantic partner except for the physical expression!
I'm not alone cause I have friends, but I am missing my oldest brother so very much today because one of our mutually favorite authors has a new book, and I can't talk to him about it.
Yes, @Bullfrog, ut I don't resent her doing so. I bear her no ill will. We had agreed though that if we were to break things off it would be by mutual consent, rather than a unilateral thing but that's easier said than done of course.
I think SH became overwhelmed by a whole series of things, trying to manage a chronic medical condition as well as dealing with a long-distance relationship and her concerns/worries about potential logistical issues and ecclesial differences were too much for her.
She's a very special person. I hope we can remain friends.
Yes, @Bullfrog, ut I don't resent her doing so. I bear her no ill will. We had agreed though that if we were to break things off it would be by mutual consent, rather than a unilateral thing but that's easier said than done of course.
I think SH became overwhelmed by a whole series of things, trying to manage a chronic medical condition as well as dealing with a long-distance relationship and her concerns/worries about potential logistical issues and ecclesial differences were too much for her.
She's a very special person. I hope we can remain friends.
That's all very real. I'm glad it's civil and fair.
I'm not alone cause I have friends, but I am missing my oldest brother so very much today because one of our mutually favorite authors has a new book, and I can't talk to him about it.
Really empthise with this. I've lost the only friend I could discuss classical music with.
The nights are closing in ......
Yup, he died. How thoughtless is that. Another bestest friend was last year moved far away by his bishop. Losing friends in old age is, alas, to be expected through natural causes but the loss of Fr. L still makes me tearful.
I'm not alone cause I have friends, but I am missing my oldest brother so very much today because one of our mutually favorite authors has a new book, and I can't talk to him about it.
Really empthise with this. I've lost the only friend I could discuss classical music with.
I can imagine how sore that might be.
There is stuff in my life which is valuable to me but which is a real soup - blurry edges, hard to define, might involve long history with particular people. I also have interests which have a bit more definition. They feel like those bits of my life which I could hive off into a task and pay someone to do if I had to, rather than the general 'being' bits which I just have to muddle with myself - like 'fix my clutch' vs 'make my car last another 5 years'. Bad analogy probably. Music is one of those more 'defined' things for me, and after not playing for about 20 years and being extremely rusty and nervous, I was invited to join an ensemble and went for it. I was eventually (a couple of years in) glad I did. I wonder if your classical interest is sufficiently defined that you could tentatively 'shop' for it in a new context, with new people? I know you (at best) get the 'classical' without the 'friend' but - sometimes a new thing can be OK. I said that through clenched teeth
(And @Gamma Gamaliel - very sorry to hear your news. Our kid had a break-up and I (25 years into a sometimes difficult marriage) suddenly got a personal blast of breakup vibes which I had genuinely forgotten about. I hope it passes soon enough.)
Thanks @mark_in_manchester - and many commiserations to all those who chart loss here whether by bereavement or break-up.
I'm grateful for your prayers - particularly those of @Lamb Chopped who was the butt of some of my ribbing recently - for which I apologise and yes - I'd been asked to desist.
Someone told SH that I was a 'fiery Welshman' and she said one she broke up with me that perhaps I needed someone less 'sensitive' when my 'fiery-ness' came out. To which I replied, 'Or perhaps I should tone it down?'
Incidentally, I don’t think I'm particularly fiery at all but I can get passionate about things and I can be too 'sarky' at times. 😞
I don’t think that led to the break-up in and of itself. There were a whole range of factors.
I'm trying to implement the 333 Rule which I found online - so it must be right.
The idea us that you desist from contact for 3 days following a break -up, to avoid saying anything precipitated and allow yourself time to express raw grief separately.
Then 3 weeks of 'active reflection' followed by 3 months of self-care and rebuilding - establishing or renewing routines, pursuing your hobbies and interests etc.
I'd love it if SH and I could remain friends. We live 3 hours apart so the chances of bumping into one another or a quick catch-up over a cuppa are remote. I'd be open to the possibility of the relationship resuming further down the road but also have to accept that there's every likelihood that this may not happen.
The dice are stacked against it but who knows?
I'm planning a cinema trip with a pal who lives alone and who gets cabin fever and to invite a recently widowed guy from church around for a meal. There's long put-off decluttering to get on with. I can fill my time constructively.
Comments
You are too kind. Much love. 🫶🥹
AFF
Praying you get well VERY soon!!!
Hope you make a speedy recovery @Gramps49 .
Very pleased to hear this news and hope you have a good time!
That's so hard. But very understandable. I do hope you can find some equilibrium in it all.
Sympathy, @Sighthound, I've just come through the second Christmas since my partner died. I still would rather be alone but what you call 'acting' and I think of as 'a coping persona' is almost second nature by now, I just endure within and carry on as-if. Over the months and last year, that inner deadness is just part of who I am now, like the grief that sideswipes me when I least expect it. The kindness of friends has been a great comfort and I hope you find that too.
Yes, I’m finally starting to get out and meet people again.
All this is true, and, materially speaking, I am very fortunate. I am grateful to God for this, and it seems churlish to moan and whine. However, I often feel I am cosplaying life and going through the motions. Whether I can get out of this rut, I don't know. We shall see.
I knew she was getting cold feet so it wasn't entirely unexpected. Things had become quite serious but then ...
It still came as something of a blow though and I feel pretty raw.
Yes, it was hard work dealing with the distance - a 3 hour drive - and also issues around her medical condition and differences in church affiliation/tradition - although I thought we were working through those alright.
So alone again.
I attended our midweek Liturgy this morning. That helped.
I've no got to move on. I hope we can remain friends.
Look after yourself!
Of your mercy, Shipmates, if you are inclined to pray please pray for SH and her erstwhile Special Friend Gamaliel.
I hope we can remain pals.
As @MrsBeaky says, look after yourself.
Its two years today since I lost my partner A. And I too now have a 'special friend' in my life, but much as I would sometimes wish it to be otherwise, I think she will continue to be 'just' a friend, (although she is aware that I mistook her friendship for something more initially), ...most of the time I realise that I don't think I really want the 'complication' of another romantic relationship right now, and just really enjoy having someone who is in many senses like a romantic partner except for the physical expression!
These things are never straightforward.
I think SH became overwhelmed by a whole series of things, trying to manage a chronic medical condition as well as dealing with a long-distance relationship and her concerns/worries about potential logistical issues and ecclesial differences were too much for her.
She's a very special person. I hope we can remain friends.
That's all very real. I'm glad it's civil and fair.
Really empthise with this. I've lost the only friend I could discuss classical music with.
The nights are closing in ......
I can imagine how sore that might be.
There is stuff in my life which is valuable to me but which is a real soup - blurry edges, hard to define, might involve long history with particular people. I also have interests which have a bit more definition. They feel like those bits of my life which I could hive off into a task and pay someone to do if I had to, rather than the general 'being' bits which I just have to muddle with myself - like 'fix my clutch' vs 'make my car last another 5 years'. Bad analogy probably. Music is one of those more 'defined' things for me, and after not playing for about 20 years and being extremely rusty and nervous, I was invited to join an ensemble and went for it. I was eventually (a couple of years in) glad I did. I wonder if your classical interest is sufficiently defined that you could tentatively 'shop' for it in a new context, with new people? I know you (at best) get the 'classical' without the 'friend' but - sometimes a new thing can be OK. I said that through clenched teeth
(And @Gamma Gamaliel - very sorry to hear your news. Our kid had a break-up and I (25 years into a sometimes difficult marriage) suddenly got a personal blast of breakup vibes which I had genuinely forgotten about. I hope it passes soon enough.)
I'm grateful for your prayers - particularly those of @Lamb Chopped who was the butt of some of my ribbing recently - for which I apologise and yes - I'd been asked to desist.
Someone told SH that I was a 'fiery Welshman' and she said one she broke up with me that perhaps I needed someone less 'sensitive' when my 'fiery-ness' came out. To which I replied, 'Or perhaps I should tone it down?'
Incidentally, I don’t think I'm particularly fiery at all but I can get passionate about things and I can be too 'sarky' at times. 😞
I don’t think that led to the break-up in and of itself. There were a whole range of factors.
I'm trying to implement the 333 Rule which I found online - so it must be right.
The idea us that you desist from contact for 3 days following a break -up, to avoid saying anything precipitated and allow yourself time to express raw grief separately.
Then 3 weeks of 'active reflection' followed by 3 months of self-care and rebuilding - establishing or renewing routines, pursuing your hobbies and interests etc.
I'd love it if SH and I could remain friends. We live 3 hours apart so the chances of bumping into one another or a quick catch-up over a cuppa are remote. I'd be open to the possibility of the relationship resuming further down the road but also have to accept that there's every likelihood that this may not happen.
The dice are stacked against it but who knows?
I'm planning a cinema trip with a pal who lives alone and who gets cabin fever and to invite a recently widowed guy from church around for a meal. There's long put-off decluttering to get on with. I can fill my time constructively.
But 💔...
It hurts.