JJ - sounds like your organ is a bit overspecced for your church. You can have a gorgeous reasonably specced two manual, entirely adequate for most churches, focusing on diapason, flute and subtle reeds like oboe rather than ophicleide and trumpet. Personally I like a Mixture for a cutting through in final verses and voluntaries without setting off seismologists' kit. You'll miss the trumpet once a year at about 12.30 am on Christmas Morning.
Turning to our -erm- more modern expressions of worship, it's just too easy with modern kit to go stupid loud. You could always try pointing out that it is rather ablist as it makes the church very autistic unfriendly.
Stewart Henderson has a good pome on this one; course I can't remember the name and we've got builders in so my books are in boxes so I can't look it up, but it ends "religion that shouts drowns the soul". I read it once at a CU meeting. It (and possibly other infractions against conservative evangelical consensus) resulted in my being "gently" informed by the leadership that my contributions to meetings would forthwith not be welcome.
I should add it's not the volume or presence of music per se which I/we find a problem. I think there's a difference between hyperacusis and introvertion and autism issues here.
For the latter, the problem is one of overload. In a social situation, there are conversations going on. One is expected to make small talk. For an introvert, that's hard in the first place (careful observers can conclude from this that the E-I spectrum is the only bit of MB that I consider to have validity). When you have to strain to hear and be heard, that's making it harder - it's like climbing stairs with a heavy rucksack compared to climbing them without. For many autistics, it's worse still - struggling to filter inputs, lots of conversations are happening at the same time. The brain tries to listen to all of them; they're all hard to follow because lots of people are all shouting at once so that their conversation can be heard; we're now climbing the north face of the Eiger with a pack which would make a hardened Marine panic. Faced with this, we just want to escape.
In less noisy environments, people can have their conversations at normal volumes so we're not straining to hear and therefore not picking up every other conversation that's going on.
The organ was chosen by the organist for the church. He may have chosen what he would like rather than what was suitable. He was a good organist. I have the same problem with my current church's organ so I suspect it is my sound tolerance. The worst for me is noisy dining halls (canteens) where the conversation just echoes around. At times I am some overwhelmed with the general conversation I cannot hear what the person sitting next to me is saying. This is exacerbated by University experience of just such a hall where the menu was heavily dependent on milk (lunch always had a 'cheese thing', because a friend who was deaf and could not hear the waitresses always ordered that) and I was unaware of my lactose intolerance. By my final year, I knew I could eat breakfast but was not sure whether I would be capable of eating either lunch or dinner due to nausea. Looking back I had stomach cramps all the time but had stopped registering them due to how frequent they were and ran a very high energy tense persona the whole time.
Hospital discharge procedures. Apparently the people at "home" must not indulge in any activities which might mean they can't accept the patient back without notice. Like seeing relations. Or anything, really.
And discharging people who can not longer care for themselves is OK because they can arrange for a string of care assistants to invade someone's house to do it.
I have been advised that I have the right to refuse to offer care. Not a concept known round here. It's here, or a house not fit for habitation.
And then, just to remind me of my place in the scheme of things, while waiting while my friend saw his mother, I couldn't get into the hospital chapel, I couldn't get a copy of the Guardian, or anything else I wanted to read, and M&S didn't have the sandwich I wanted (I'd not been able to eat breakfast because of the phone call) or a sensible drink.
@Penny S, you really ought to seek legal help - there should never have been any compunction on you to provide shelter and care for someone who isn't related to you.
I suspect that the circular argument is continuing. If D has been living with Penny S for the last two years, that is her place of residence now, whether or not that has been organised officially - because she's lived there for so long and that is where her medical care is being organised. If D's house has still not been made safe for her to return to, then that option is out. Therefore Penny S has two options, as she sees it: to take D back into what is now D's home, or to refuse to take her back and insist that other care is provided. But that has always been impossible as D is liable to pay costs for where she is placed and from all the previous whinges and moans, D is refusing to do that. So the only place D will go if Penny S refuses to take her is the unsuitable unsorted out house because she refuses to pay for her own care. (And that will be complicated as that's in a different borough and all the support networks have moved to Penny S's districts.)
The alternatives could be for Penny S to start charging care at the same rate that carers would to make her home unacceptable or to accept that D will not cope at her own home and will end up attracting social care support at some minimal levels.
The idea that support networks exist is specious, apart from the community nurses leg wrapping visits. Today's moan is because yesterday they told us, and D, that she would be going to a sort of halfway place today, and then today rang me to say she was coming here today. Which is thoughtless, to say the least. And they apply emotional blackmail.
I shall be telling the CAB that their advice to refuse to have her back is ineffective.
D has, surprisingly, asked me for a bill.
A lot of work as I have not been able to catch up on the spreadsheets.
Loop systems are wonderful Our church lost ours during the quakes, and due to no decision having yet been made regarding rebuilding or repairs nothing has been done to fix it. There have been attempts at replacement using alternative technology, but it is not as successful as the loop system which means those of us with compatible hearing aids hear clearly without other members of the congregation being bombarded with sound.
Uh, this situation has been going on for years. As I understand it, Penny is fond of D's son and feels sorry for the burden he has with his mother. She doesn't like D, but feels unable to to shift the load from herself back on the son because he is either financially or emotionally unable to cope with his mom who can't or won't take responsibility for herself.
We are both trapped.
Nice one introduced yesterday. I have to admit someone to assess my downstairs room for accommodation for D. I do? The room which now houses my property as a store because I have to put things out of the way, and has a tiny corner for me to access the computer and printer. I wasn't allowed to explain this yesterday, as it depends on an outside person assessing it. I simply cannot believe that this is expected to happen. Legally.
@Penny S - D now lives with you because she has lived with you since 2014 - see threads passim and this Hell thread where we discussed this all exhaustively a year ago. CAB will be correct in what they are saying but you will have to accept that D then has agency to move back into her own house without interfering.
IIRC, the various powers that be (medical and social work folk) were more inclined to leave D with Penny.
CK, I see you reignited the Hell thread. P brought her situation to the right thread, where people are posting about all sorts of situations. Maybe we can avoid Hell drama again? IMHO, FWIW.
I can't understand why churches would have bands like that. We were at a theological college convocation once held in a church with a horrendously over-amped band. If I want premature deafness, I'll go to a Status Quo concert ...
I volunteered to play the electric piano thing for the eucharist before our Deanery Synod meetings for the simple reason that it meant I could turn the volume down. I was asked by two clergy to turn it up but persuaded them I hadn't changed it from previous settings (crossed my fingers behind my back) so perhaps they had a problem. Last meeting both seemed to be equipped with hearing aids
My biggest problem with volume is at the cinema: now I make sure I put in earplugs whenever I go to see something on the big screen. The only exception is when they have live feeds from the RSC or ROH - last one of those we had to go and point out that opera was NOT a form of mime theatre because they were showing it silent
A linked (but different) problem in theatre (especially contemporary dance) is fancy lighting which is so dim that you can't see the performers unless you're in the front 2 rows.
My biggest problem with volume is at the cinema: now I make sure I put in earplugs whenever I go to see something on the big screen.
Always! Out in the lobby, the hearing aids come out and the earplugs go in before I even enter the auditorium. I do it at church too if the rock band is especially obnoxious . . . oops, I mean loud.
Following this line of thought (sort of), TICTH Our Place's church hall, the acoustics of which are BL**DY FU**ING AWFUL.
Being just slightly autistic, I find that I can't even stand going into the hall for coffee after Mass if there's more than two or three people present (and on a Sunday, there's usually a couple of dozen - though not everyone stays). The acoustics of the church itself are infinitely better!
If only we could have coffee in the church after Mass, but at present there are no WC or servery facilities - I'm working on ideas...
As for bigger social events, such as Quiz Night, or Community Café, forget it. The noise of people talking/shouting is simply unbearable overload - but I still get told off for 'not supporting' such events (even though I have tried to explain the problem).
We would love to - but the hall is the original late 19thC mission church, with high-peaked rafters etc., and the cost of a dropped acoustic ceiling is, alas, prohibitive at present.
Having said that, a legacy (unknown quantity of £££) is on its way, so maybe...
An acoustic ceiling, and new windows, would improve the building (otherwise sound in wind and limb) no end.
Yeah, and the reward for doing something difficult is to be given something harder.
But the hospital have grasped at last that this isn't her home - I was quite explicit on the phone yesterday, and she is showing them what a pain she is by refusing to be tested using stairs. "There's no point, Penny doesn't want me." I actually think it's because she hates failing at things, and having lost so much mobility, the girl who delights in telling me she won all the races doesn't want to fail on the stairs - and this could be behind all the other recent problems. Failing to keep herself clean is a very bad fail. But it can't be her fault. It's my fault.
I think having an acute hospital without a link to non-acute placement is utterly daft. I have written to Matt Hancock, who is probably too busy angling to be PM to read department stuff. Andrew Dilnott was talking about his report about adult social care on BBC R4 Today yesterday, and said that the carers who have been treated worse than me, as seen on TV last night about Somerset (missed it) are too exhausted to campaign. So I'll keep writing. My MP remains silent in response to my emails.
Not necessarily, and if you write to another MP they may just respond by sending your letter/e-mail to your local MP. Been there, got the t-shirt. What MPs can do is limited - there are a few situations where they might help, at their discretion. Sometimes you get a response that is (deliberately) obtuse and referring to exhausting other avenues first. Got that t-shirt too.
If you are going to write to an MP on any issue, make sure it is within their remit (ie, their constituency or constituents) and the services/funding whatever are provided or governed by central government.
If you are in that territory, then if more than five can write in at about the same time, it will get past the communications filter of your MPs pivate office, and s/he will giv it attention.
It's worth bearing in mind that conscientious MPs (of any party) do try to respond to letters/emails, but that they can't always do so as quickly as peeps might like!
TICTH, three McDonald's employees. My elderly mom had a medical test today, and on the way home, we got ice cream cones for a treat. Easy, right? Not so much.
When we got to the drive-through window, instead of getting our treats, they were all chattering away with each other. They finally brought my mom's cone which was leaning precariously to the side. They asked if I'd like a cup, and I made the mistaken assumption that a cup would be to catch mom's ice cream if it fell. Wrong. They brought my cone, and shoved it upside-down into the cup and handed it to me. I was so shocked that I pulled forward, instead of just staying there and letting them know how stoopid that was. I mean, there wasn't even a spoon to get the ice cream out of the cup, which would be impossible because I was driving!! The line was long, and my mom was tired, so we left.
I tried to call the manager when I got home, and nobody picked up. Therefore I filled out their online survey. The receipt suggests that I rate them as 'Highly Satisfied' (written in all caps.) Hah and double hah.
Camper vans. Motor homes, Winnebagos, motor caravans, whatever you choose to call them!
They clog up the motorway to and from The Dowager's home, or they clog up the (already scarce) parking near Chateau S.
Why is it that neighbours past and present consider my life incomplete if the view from my bedroom window isn't obstructed by an enormous white lump of metal
He's responded on other subjects, that didn't require constituent care, but were about my opinion on something or other, and one email has been with him for many months. I know he got it because I got the automatic feedback.
Sorry about the icecream, and the car.
What is it you think your MP could do, Penny? Presumably the best solution would be for D's son to fix up their own home, so that he and D could return there, and the "string of care assistants" could visit D there.
What progress has been made by D's son in the two years she's been living with you, vis a vis decluttering their own home, and fixing the cooker and the toilet flush?
Today I CTH - all right, I am fed up with - all the people who spend time, effort and money bedizening the memorial stones to their deceased relatives, in our church's memorial garden (right by the entrance, so you can't miss it.) How come you can spend good money on posh flowers - live, dead or artificial - colour-changing LED solar powered lights, miniatures of whisky at New Year (no, I'm not kidding!) and lovingly-painted stones commemorating your dead Auntie Hilda -
BUT IT NEVER CROSSES YOUR MIND TO PULL OUT HALF A DOZEN WEEDS WHILE YOU'RE THERE?
The job of the relatives is, as you say, to bedizen the area with as much irreligious Tat as they can afford, including those ubiquitous coloured plastic windmills (which always make me wonder if the deceased was a closet Buddhist....this with all due respect to proper Buddhists, BTW).
Wrong place really, but progress is not possible when tradespeople will not, quite properly, embark on work without the householder's signature on paperwork, and the householder absolutely refuses to provide it.
I have forgotten much of what you said but is it possible for the council or some authority to insist on the place being repaired or cleaned out? I live in Australia so have no knowledge of your regulations. I do know of one place here which is regularly cleaned out of rubbish acquired by a hoarder which renders house and yard unsafe for living. Fire regulations etc are breached.
Is there no way that the need for her signature can be circumvented by officialdom?
I shall be telling the CAB that their advice to refuse to have her back is ineffective.
Their advice is 100% correct. To make it effective, all you need to do is to tell those trying to place D with you is that your house is your house and that you are no longer going to accept D into it - then keep firm in your position. To put it bluntly, you need to be effective yourself.
As to a power of attorney: a person needs to be of sound mind to give a Power. Subject to any statutory authority, a Power of Attorney ceases when the person giving it loses the ability (ie, the sound mind) to revoke it. Think about that for a moment and it will become clear why that is the position. It may be possible for someone - and I doubt that that someone is you, but D's son would be suitable - to apply to the court for an order appointing a manager of D's affairs. That certainly used be the position in England (no idea about the position in the rest of the UK) and the matter would have been heard in the Chancery Division of the High Court. Please note carefully that you need to seek competent legal advice about the present position.
I have no idea of the ability of a council to clean up a house in the UK. It can be done here but the position is considerably more complex than you may gather from Lothlorien's post.
But in the end, it all comes back to your being effective, setting out your position and sticking to it.
Wrong place really, but progress is not possible when tradespeople will not, quite properly, embark on work without the householder's signature on paperwork, and the householder absolutely refuses to provide it.
We are going on holiday soon. Our son, who lives elsewhere, will be staying in our house, primarily to care for our pet. If the toilet flush breaks while we are away, I can guarantee that he will be able to get it fixed without our signature on any paperwork. Most tradespeople, faced with a problem and somebody willing to pay to have it fixed, would just crack on. I'm sure even if our son made it explicit that he was not the householder the conversation would go something like this:
"The fuse in the main fuse box has blown, and I need to get it fixed before my parents get home from holiday."
"It's a busy time of year, but I can get somebody round the day after tomorrow. Are your parents off somewhere nice?"
Plus, who, exactly, is preventing D's son from cleaning and decluttering?
Comments
Turning to our -erm- more modern expressions of worship, it's just too easy with modern kit to go stupid loud. You could always try pointing out that it is rather ablist as it makes the church very autistic unfriendly.
Stewart Henderson has a good pome on this one; course I can't remember the name and we've got builders in so my books are in boxes so I can't look it up, but it ends "religion that shouts drowns the soul". I read it once at a CU meeting. It (and possibly other infractions against conservative evangelical consensus) resulted in my being "gently" informed by the leadership that my contributions to meetings would forthwith not be welcome.
For the latter, the problem is one of overload. In a social situation, there are conversations going on. One is expected to make small talk. For an introvert, that's hard in the first place (careful observers can conclude from this that the E-I spectrum is the only bit of MB that I consider to have validity). When you have to strain to hear and be heard, that's making it harder - it's like climbing stairs with a heavy rucksack compared to climbing them without. For many autistics, it's worse still - struggling to filter inputs, lots of conversations are happening at the same time. The brain tries to listen to all of them; they're all hard to follow because lots of people are all shouting at once so that their conversation can be heard; we're now climbing the north face of the Eiger with a pack which would make a hardened Marine panic. Faced with this, we just want to escape.
In less noisy environments, people can have their conversations at normal volumes so we're not straining to hear and therefore not picking up every other conversation that's going on.
And discharging people who can not longer care for themselves is OK because they can arrange for a string of care assistants to invade someone's house to do it.
I have been advised that I have the right to refuse to offer care. Not a concept known round here. It's here, or a house not fit for habitation.
And then, just to remind me of my place in the scheme of things, while waiting while my friend saw his mother, I couldn't get into the hospital chapel, I couldn't get a copy of the Guardian, or anything else I wanted to read, and M&S didn't have the sandwich I wanted (I'd not been able to eat breakfast because of the phone call) or a sensible drink.
If you do refuse to offer care, I assume an alternative would be found. Legal help would indeed be a good idea.
How long has this been going on now? It's time to take care of Penny S!
The alternatives could be for Penny S to start charging care at the same rate that carers would to make her home unacceptable or to accept that D will not cope at her own home and will end up attracting social care support at some minimal levels.
I shall be telling the CAB that their advice to refuse to have her back is ineffective.
D has, surprisingly, asked me for a bill.
A lot of work as I have not been able to catch up on the spreadsheets.
Uh, this situation has been going on for years. As I understand it, Penny is fond of D's son and feels sorry for the burden he has with his mother. She doesn't like D, but feels unable to to shift the load from herself back on the son because he is either financially or emotionally unable to cope with his mom who can't or won't take responsibility for herself.
Circles indeed.
Nice one introduced yesterday. I have to admit someone to assess my downstairs room for accommodation for D. I do? The room which now houses my property as a store because I have to put things out of the way, and has a tiny corner for me to access the computer and printer. I wasn't allowed to explain this yesterday, as it depends on an outside person assessing it. I simply cannot believe that this is expected to happen. Legally.
CK, I see you reignited the Hell thread. P brought her situation to the right thread, where people are posting about all sorts of situations. Maybe we can avoid Hell drama again? IMHO, FWIW.
I volunteered to play the electric piano thing for the eucharist before our Deanery Synod meetings for the simple reason that it meant I could turn the volume down. I was asked by two clergy to turn it up but persuaded them I hadn't changed it from previous settings (crossed my fingers behind my back) so perhaps they had a problem. Last meeting both seemed to be equipped with hearing aids
My biggest problem with volume is at the cinema: now I make sure I put in earplugs whenever I go to see something on the big screen. The only exception is when they have live feeds from the RSC or ROH - last one of those we had to go and point out that opera was NOT a form of mime theatre because they were showing it silent
Being just slightly autistic, I find that I can't even stand going into the hall for coffee after Mass if there's more than two or three people present (and on a Sunday, there's usually a couple of dozen - though not everyone stays). The acoustics of the church itself are infinitely better!
If only we could have coffee in the church after Mass, but at present there are no WC or servery facilities - I'm working on ideas...
As for bigger social events, such as Quiz Night, or Community Café, forget it. The noise of people talking/shouting is simply unbearable overload - but I still get told off for 'not supporting' such events (even though I have tried to explain the problem).
Having said that, a legacy (unknown quantity of £££) is on its way, so maybe...
An acoustic ceiling, and new windows, would improve the building (otherwise sound in wind and limb) no end.
But the hospital have grasped at last that this isn't her home - I was quite explicit on the phone yesterday, and she is showing them what a pain she is by refusing to be tested using stairs. "There's no point, Penny doesn't want me." I actually think it's because she hates failing at things, and having lost so much mobility, the girl who delights in telling me she won all the races doesn't want to fail on the stairs - and this could be behind all the other recent problems. Failing to keep herself clean is a very bad fail. But it can't be her fault. It's my fault.
I think having an acute hospital without a link to non-acute placement is utterly daft. I have written to Matt Hancock, who is probably too busy angling to be PM to read department stuff. Andrew Dilnott was talking about his report about adult social care on BBC R4 Today yesterday, and said that the carers who have been treated worse than me, as seen on TV last night about Somerset (missed it) are too exhausted to campaign. So I'll keep writing. My MP remains silent in response to my emails.
If you are in that territory, then if more than five can write in at about the same time, it will get past the communications filter of your MPs pivate office, and s/he will giv it attention.
Just sayin'
When we got to the drive-through window, instead of getting our treats, they were all chattering away with each other. They finally brought my mom's cone which was leaning precariously to the side. They asked if I'd like a cup, and I made the mistaken assumption that a cup would be to catch mom's ice cream if it fell. Wrong. They brought my cone, and shoved it upside-down into the cup and handed it to me. I was so shocked that I pulled forward, instead of just staying there and letting them know how stoopid that was. I mean, there wasn't even a spoon to get the ice cream out of the cup, which would be impossible because I was driving!! The line was long, and my mom was tired, so we left.
I tried to call the manager when I got home, and nobody picked up. Therefore I filled out their online survey. The receipt suggests that I rate them as 'Highly Satisfied' (written in all caps.) Hah and double hah.
Jerks.
They clog up the motorway to and from The Dowager's home, or they clog up the (already scarce) parking near Chateau S.
Why is it that neighbours past and present consider my life incomplete if the view from my bedroom window isn't obstructed by an enormous white lump of metal
Sorry about the icecream, and the car.
What progress has been made by D's son in the two years she's been living with you, vis a vis decluttering their own home, and fixing the cooker and the toilet flush?
BUT IT NEVER CROSSES YOUR MIND TO PULL OUT HALF A DOZEN WEEDS WHILE YOU'RE THERE?
What is wrong with you?
The job of the relatives is, as you say, to bedizen the area with as much irreligious Tat as they can afford, including those ubiquitous coloured plastic windmills (which always make me wonder if the deceased was a closet Buddhist....this with all due respect to proper Buddhists, BTW).
My thoughts exactly.
As in a particular, elderly householder?
Is there no way that the need for her signature can be circumvented by officialdom?
Their advice is 100% correct. To make it effective, all you need to do is to tell those trying to place D with you is that your house is your house and that you are no longer going to accept D into it - then keep firm in your position. To put it bluntly, you need to be effective yourself.
As to a power of attorney: a person needs to be of sound mind to give a Power. Subject to any statutory authority, a Power of Attorney ceases when the person giving it loses the ability (ie, the sound mind) to revoke it. Think about that for a moment and it will become clear why that is the position. It may be possible for someone - and I doubt that that someone is you, but D's son would be suitable - to apply to the court for an order appointing a manager of D's affairs. That certainly used be the position in England (no idea about the position in the rest of the UK) and the matter would have been heard in the Chancery Division of the High Court. Please note carefully that you need to seek competent legal advice about the present position.
I have no idea of the ability of a council to clean up a house in the UK. It can be done here but the position is considerably more complex than you may gather from Lothlorien's post.
But in the end, it all comes back to your being effective, setting out your position and sticking to it.
We are going on holiday soon. Our son, who lives elsewhere, will be staying in our house, primarily to care for our pet. If the toilet flush breaks while we are away, I can guarantee that he will be able to get it fixed without our signature on any paperwork. Most tradespeople, faced with a problem and somebody willing to pay to have it fixed, would just crack on. I'm sure even if our son made it explicit that he was not the householder the conversation would go something like this:
"The fuse in the main fuse box has blown, and I need to get it fixed before my parents get home from holiday."
"It's a busy time of year, but I can get somebody round the day after tomorrow. Are your parents off somewhere nice?"
Plus, who, exactly, is preventing D's son from cleaning and decluttering?